I finally understand, Dad...

I will always remember my favorite Christmas present from when I was a kid. I was about 9 years old when my parents gave me a set of Fisher Price adjustable in-line skates. They were the kind that you wore tennis shoes and tightened the skate around them. I don't really even remember if I asked for them, or it it was just something they thought we might enjoy. At first thaw, I remember being very excited because I could finally go and try them out.


The first ride was pretty painful because I spent more time on my butt then on my skates. The second and third were better. By the end of the week, I couldn't stay off of them. When my friends would ride their bikes, I would skate along side them. My dad use to watch me all of the time when I was skating. He use to insist that I stay close to the house, so that he could watch. I use to get so mad because I thought he didn't trust me or was too scared that I would get hurt.

As I got older and I got new pairs of skates, he still would insist that I spent some time skating near the house. He would tell that me that he enjoyed to watch me. Being a kid, I didn't understand so I thought that he was just smothering me. I use to deliberately try to not skate near the house. I would even take my skates off down the block and walk the rest of the way home.

When I started college and there was less time for fun, I stopped skating as much. He would ask every time that he saw me if I was still skating. I would say "No, too much stuff to do." He would always look disappointed and I was never really sure why. I wasn't sure if he thought that I was getting overweight or if I was less healthy or something.

But, on Father's Day, I finally understood. I was sitting with him watching the girls and Bear play with his dog Max. They were running around, laughing and having fun. He and I just sat there and watched them for a while. That is when I finally got it. I was an awkward kid and I still don't really fit in well with my family, but when I was skating I was truly happy and having fun. He would enjoy watching me have fun, just as I enjoyed watching the girls on Sunday. So Dad, I finally understand why you wanted to watch me so much. I am sorry I was kind of a butt-hole about it.

The moment ended, as all touching moments do. Bear announced that it was time to leave. The Tyrant asked, "Why Daddy?" And Bear said, "Because Sonny wants some peace for Father's Day, you dog terrorists!"

The B-word

The other day we asked The Tyrant and The Show to clean their room. Our request was quickly followed by alot of whining, deep exaggerated sighs and stomping feet. Their room is much like any other kid's; toys and clothes can be found all over the floors, desks, beds, chairs, etc. But their closet has to be the worst. They share a huge walk-in closet that is so messy you must open the door with extreme caution.

Asking them to clean their room and closet is usually a bi-monthly event that always ends up with one of the two of them in tears. It is almost always The Tyrant who tries very hard to just sit around because she "doesn't know what to do." So, The Show will usually yell at her until she starts helping.

This time was really no different from the last time. The Tyrant came running up to us, in tears. Gasping she yelled, "She.. (gasp) called.. (gasp) ME.. (gasp) the.. (gasp) b-word!" My first reaction was one of shock. Which word was she talking about? So, I asked her, "Did she call you a brat?" (Brat and stupid are considered swear words in our house.) The Tyrant glares and cries, "NO!! The other B-WORD!"

The Show has now made it down the hallway and to us. She is blinking at her sister and looking offended. Bear and I are tensed up because we are thinking it's that B-word. The Show looks at us and rolls her eyes, "I told her to stop being a butthead and throwing things at me." The Tyrant stand ups "SEE!! SEE!! SHE DID IT AGAIN!!"

"I am not an oxsious!"

When I was a kid, my brother and I never got along. We were always bickering and fighting about one thing or another. I know that Bear and I are lucky, because the kids honestly just don't fight that much. When The Tyrant is a bad mood, she fights with everyone. Most of the time though, they get along very well.

We were driving in the car this weekend, with all three kids crammed in the back of a Ford Focus. The kids were all kind of having a bad day. There was a lot of pushing and shoving going on. "Stop touching me!" "You squishing me!" "Stop hitting me!" Just as Bear and I were about to say something about it, The Mother Hen looks at The Tyrant, "Stop being obnoxious!" The Tyrant gasped and then shrieks, "I am not an oxsious!" The entire car starts laughing. And the fight has finally been forgotten.

There are rules?!?!

Actual conversation between Bear and I yesterday morning:

Me: You know, Bear, I love that you comment on my blog but I really would like it if you commented as Bear instead of pkinsella. After all, HotWife comments as HotWife on DadGoneMad. It is proper etiquette.

Bear: You mean to tell me there are rules?!?! This whole blog thing has gone to your head!

Her foot in our mouths

A few months ago, Bear (my super awesome boyfriend) got really annoyed with a driver on the freeway. The kids were in the car so, he manages to keep it somewhat clean when he says "How appropriate! That guy is wearing a skull condom." In case you need help with the visual...
The comment was meant for just me. But I am pretty sure the Tyrant only hears things that she is not meant to and completely ignores anything she doesn't want to hear.

Later that evening, we stopped at a gas station/7-11 for a Slurpee. The Tyrant gets out of the back seat and sees a guy pumping gas with the aforemeantioned headgear. She shouts "DAD! Look! That guy is wearing a Skull Condom!!!" Her sisters burst out laughing. And of course, both Bear and I look at each other, not sure if we should laugh or turn bright red. The Tyrant looks at her giggling sisters and shouts, "Well, he is! Its a GIANT BLUE SKULL CONDOM!" By this point we are all laughing as we quickly usher her into the store.