They way we think...

So, I was in the car with my mom the other day. Something I usually avoid as much as possible. She and I just don't really understand each other much and talking for extended periods can become awkward. But, she said she really wanted to talk to me and it seemed like a good time to do it.

The first thing that she tells me is that she finally realized something about me. She said, "People think differently and that is okay, but I think I finally realize that you and I think differently and that is why we have to try so hard to understand each other. Your Dad and your brother think the same way that I do. And, it must have been really hard for you growing up with all of us. I think you are brilliant and you use your mind in ways that the rest of us just don't understand. You and I just don't think the same. Sometimes I wish I thought more like you, so that I could understand you better and so that you wouldn't have had it so hard." I was stunned into silence. (Pretty amazing if you ask most people that know me.) So, she continued,
"I just feel really bad that you had to adapt and you had to work so hard at getting along with us and we never even met you half way."

So, I looked at her and said, "That's stupid. If you are going to carry around guilt for not understanding me and not getting the way I think, that is just stupid. If you want to feel guilty, go ahead and feel guilty but not over me and not over this." She didn't really know what to say to that. But, we continued to talk and she said she would work on letting the guilt go.

This conversation with her really made me think about my relationship with the girls and Bear. Growing up, I always felt alone and like an outsider. I don't want anyone to feel that and I try really hard to make sure that it doesn't turn out that way for any of them. But, I thought about it a lot over the last few days. I realized that the five of us laugh at the same jokes, cry at the same sad movies and always try to include everyone. Maybe we try to hard.. there is family movie night, dinner is always eaten together, and no one sits on the side lines for group activities (even the teenager gets involved!). But, I really don't care if we try to hard to include everyone. Its better than not trying at all.