The fued between The Mother Hen and her former best friend started as soon as they got back to school. It started as any other girl fight... "You are a jerk because you stole my boyfriend!" "Well, I wouldn't have stole him if you weren't so ugly!" And so on...
Then, it started to evolve. The former best friend started threatening her and then hiding behind her friends that were no long friends with The Mother Hen. So, The Mother Hen, taking advice from her mother, decided to turn the "whole school" against this girl. When she told Bear and I about this, she was so proud of herself. But, honestly, I have never been more disappointed in her. Not only did she not try to fix the problem but she escalated it so that it was getting well out of control. I had to tell her what I thought. (Because I am an opiniated big mouth.) She was furious with me because I told her that she was wrong. I suggested talking to this girl one-on-one. If she hid behind her friends, I suggested that she talk to her anyway. I also told her at this point, if you won't confront her about it all, just ignore her.
The Mother Hen's pride got the best of her when her former friend started sending threating text messages and myspace messages. Since her profile is set to private (only friends can see it and leave comments) I told her to delete her from her friends list and ignore the messages. She didn't and it got worse. Then her mother got involved. She called the school and threatened to call the police on the school and this girl. The Mother Hen was called into the principal's office as soon as she arrived at school and was told a couple of things. 1) Since you sent threatening messages too, if the police get involved you will be charged and expelled from school and 2) if anything like this happens again that she would be suspended.
Personally, I feel pretty damn lucky that she wasn't suspended. With as many stories in the news lately of teen girl violence, I thought for sure that she was going to be sent home for a few days. Here is what I don't really understand why the social war? Why turn the school against anyone and why respond to the threats on your cell phone? Maybe I was raised around too many boys, but if it were me, I wouldn't have responded to the threats over my cell phone or the internet (chat rooms were the big thing when I was a teen and pagers too... yikes, I am old). I would have confronted the girl at school. I would have said "Why don't you say that to my face? Are you too scared?" Girls just don't fight that way.
That is the one thing I learned from watching Mean Girls. (Besides that it is 90 minutes of my life that I will never get back). Girls are taught that violence is not an option and they must be prim and proper at all times. So, they fight these crazy passive aggressive wars that end up with ruined reputations and tears. That is starting to change but the idea of escalation hasn't. I mean, can you seriously believe some of this shit? Now mom's are getting involved in teen girl battles so that the escalation continues.
It is no longer enough to beat up a girl that wronged you. You now have to post it on MySpace, YouTube and Facebook. I am personally disgusted by this whole business. It is past time that we as mothers to daughters start setting the example. We need to show girls to fight together rather than fight each other. Maybe I am the only one that feels this way, and I am an opinionated loud mouth so I say/write what I feel.
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5 comments:
It was BAD ENOUGH before the internet. Jeese! I am so glad I don't have daughters. I still have flashbacks about how mean those girls could be. And I agree with your suggestion.
I agree that girls too often resort to inappropriate forms of conflict resolution, most often in the form of trying to destroy each other socially. I'm not clear though about your suggestion for a different resolution. When you write that girls are not taught that violence is an option, are you suggesting that we should teach girls to resolve conflict by physically fighting with each other? I do soooo wish the idea of women helping women was something fostered from an early age.
I am not saying that we should teach girls that violence is the way to resolve a conflict. I am not even suggesting that they should resort to physically beating each other up. I am just saying that because "girls can't hit" they bottle up thier anger and it gets even more explosive. Girls should be taught that being angry doesn't mean that you are un-lady-like and that it is okay. Then, they would feel angry and move on. Instead they keep it inside until they have no control over thier anger anymore.
Well, hello WickedStepmother (you stole my handle, I’ll have you know I wanted that one!). Seriously though, it sounds as if you are living my dream. Three step kids that adore you. I have been the step mom to twin boys since they lost their mom tragically, to suicide when they were nine-ish. It has been a journey, some of which I wouldn't trade for all the Gold in China, but some of which has left me really sad and unfulfilled as a breeding-type creature. In fact, when the kids turned just about not so sweet sixteen, I found out I was "with child". I think, had the years not been so rocky (and financially stressful), I'd be sitting here with a four year old right now tugging on my shirt, begging me to get offline and "Go PLAY!". Instead, with heavy heart, I made the decision to terminate my one and only pregnancy of my life.
One of my boys hates me with all the heat of a million suns, and the other adores me and treats me with the only respect I really get in the house. It makes for a lonely existence sometimes, I'll tell you what! However, I of the sunny Libra personality troop it just like every other myriad of rocky road I've traversed in my forty short years.
Welcome to the blogosphere, May I suggest, buckling up?
I agree that our culture teaches girls to reach with passive aggression. It's a terrible trait and one that in many ways limits the heights women can reach on their own and together.
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